Body language tends to dominate the tone of domestic disputes. Eye rolling, frowning, and gesticulating can mute the message as well as yelling. So listen up.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, is there sound?
Your voice is only realized if your emanating mechanical waves (AKA “sounds”) have been heard . . . otherwise the waves dissipate into thin air.
Well founded grievances backed by examples, solutions and requests may go unrequited if they fall on deaf ears . . . deaf because the recipient has turned off his/her receiver.
We recommend engaging a new broadcast mode, Electronic Conflict Resolution or ECR. Grievances are outlined in emails, editing out impulsive and unproductive inflammatory language and a possibly shrill delivery system.
Try this: The next time you are aggravated, compose an email. Do not push “send.” Break for “Calming Tea.” After your time-out amend and abridge the email, knowing your message has a better chance of registering if you voice it sans finger pointing. Thoughtful writing allows you to adjust for tone, unlike face to face combat that colors the content.
To participate in ECR your partner must respond in writing . . . not in person.
ECR is your superego, ensuring you think before you speak. Don’t let your content be blocked by the delivery system. Don’t be tempted to get into it, if your ECR message is not returned in kind. The name of the game is patience.
The benefits of Electronic Conflict Resolution:
- it’s cheaper than a shrink
- you won’t be second guessing yourself when the anger has subsided
- your message has a better chance of being heard
- your newly enlightened partner may surprise you with a loving response
- you get to enjoy Calming Tea 🙂
Julie and Jennie